Everybody Goes to the DMV

Everybody goes to the DMV. You don't think you do? I bet you have. Can you think of even one person who hasn't gone to the DMV? Nope, didn't think so. It is now getting to the point where you will have to have an identity card to do anything. Want to get on a plane? Better have ID! We give ID cards to BABIES.

Guess what people don't bring to the DMV? Think now. Oh, here it is is. MONEY. You wouldn't believe how many people come to the DMV without money. It's usually kids getting their permits. They are probably the same ones who are forging their parent's name on the forms. A credit card won't make it, bring cash, check or ATM. Or better yet, leave your ATM at home. The ATM machines cannot correct mistakes so if yours truly puts $220 as the amount instead of $22, you are s-o-l until you can be reimbursed by the state. You fill out a form and wait. You have to mail it and buy the stamp, and who has stamps anymore. Once you do get it mailed it can take two months to get your money back...maybe. I'm sure Arnie will find a way to spend it. The only way to get out of the DMV without spending money is to be 62 and get a Senior ID. As of today, they are free. This could change tomorrow. You have to update your license in CA every five years. Move to AZ, though, and you get your license for- count it- fifty years!

Here's another thing to bring to the DMV- ALL your legal documents. Bring the birth certificate, bring your passport. If you are a foreign national, bring your permanent resident card, employment authorization, student 1-20, 1-94 form. Bring it on! Why are you waiting in line for two hours with a copy? Bring the original, that is the only thing that will work. We don't care if you are an honest and trustworthy person, bring the paper and prove it. It is much better to bring more than less. The only name that is now allowed on your driver's license or ID is your true legal name. If your name is Gertrude Bellyache Jones but you've always been called Whiney Jones, you need to change your name legally. We don't care what your nickname is or what people call you. Your card says your true legal name. If you got married, bring your marriage certificate. If you think your last name should be PITT, you can bring the best looking actor in Hollywood with you, and we won't care. You need to bring your marriage certificate.

If you can't see, bring your glasses. If you are wearing contacts, tell the clerk. Many people have told me "Oh, I left my glasses in the car." Ok, dumbo, go back and get them and then GET BACK IN THE TWO HOUR LINE. You will not be allowed back after you run your errand. If you have monovision with contacts, bring your glasses instead of your contacts. You have to pass the vision with both eyes. If you have had the monovision operation, be prepared to pick up a medical report, have your optometrist fill it out and then come back and get in line.

Ok, here it is. Bring Money, Bring your Legal Documents and Bring your glasses. Simple, right?
Now, here's an inspiring DMV story. I waited on a customer yesterday who said that the DMV saved her sight and MAYBE her life. She noticed her vision was getting a little fuzzy but thought she was just going to need reading glasses soon. She failed the visual and needed to go to the optometrist or opthamologist. He discovered she had a brain tumor. They operated on her and saved her life. She still has some visual impairment, but she will have a full and happy life, and all because she failed her DMV eye exam. TAKE THAT!!! See how we help out humanity?

Peace and love to all and think "Patsy Cline".