BEGINNING

This is not really the beginning, as in the beginning of Rachel's life. This is the beginning of grief. I want to get the story down before I forget. I won't forget her. Ever. But I may forget the story.

An HR person from work, whom I have not seen before or since and one of the supevisors, Aaron, came to my desk about 2:30PM, Monday July 30th. She (whoever she is) said your husband is here, log out of your computer, bring your stuff and come with me. Of course, I freaked. Big time. "Why?" says I. "We don't know why your husband is here, usually when a spouse shows up at the workplace it is serious". I knew immediately, before I said why, before they said anything that Rachel was dead. I joked with them and said "Maybe it's his father, he's 97". I was hoping. I took the long walk and saw John. He walked over to me put his arm around me and said"You should sit down". I said "No, let's go outside". We walked outside and John said that the Jeff (my brother-in-law and a cop) called. The police had found Rachel dead in her apartment, they didn't think she took her own life, but that's all he knew.

I went back inside work, and said "It's my daughter, she's dead". The HR lady said "We'll take care of everything, Go, you need to be with your family." My first thought was how I could possibly tell the girls. I didn't want to go home, but instead I insisted that we drive to the girls house and tell them. John drove. John had a number for the coroner who wanted me to call her right away, so I did. She confirmed that they had Rachel, Jeff had verified that it was Rachel and she advised me they were going to do an autopsy the next day, I gave a verbal ok. We then continued driving to Long Beach. We parked somewhere. I opened the gate and came up the stairs. Sarah opened the door. She saw that I was crying, she was asking me what was wrong, I finally said "Rachel" and she was saying "NO NO NO NO NO" I managed to say yes, and barely said "She's dead." Sarah wanted to know how, and I said I don't know some kind of overdose, not intentional. Sarah was hysterical and threw herself on her bed wailing, her boyfriend was there to comfort her. I laid down on Keturah's bed in the other room.

While I was lying on Keturah's bed, Rachel flew away. I saw Rachel running as fast as she could, flying really, she looked back to smile at me but I got the feeling she didn't have time to wave. All I could see was a long flowing gown, and then arms, picking Rachel up and throwing her up to heaven. And then she was gone.

John was sitting down by the gate, smoking, and he had the same sensation of Rachel running and then being lifted up to heaven. Hallelujah.