Lost Blog

I lost the last blog I did, that's how disjointed I am. I want to tell Jacob everything and I can't remember anything. I was writing about how Rachel died and how I found out and how I felt. I guess none of that really matters. Maybe what Rachel was like is the most important thing.

Rachel started each day before work with a cigarette and a Pepsi. She was late all the time to her job at Penney's but she sold the most shoes of anyone in the store.

Rachel had no hair as a baby, then lots of curly red hair. Starting off at 5lb 9 oz, she was about 25 lbs at nine months old. The only other baby as fat as her was Jacob, her son. She was a skinny person all her life, except when pregnant or when she was a baby.

The day she turned 29, she called me and said "Mom, now we are both 29!" Dammit. Now we are both still 29.

She was such a smart kid, always inquisitive about everything. We used to say of her "she quietly goes about causing destruction". Quiet. Not for long, she spoke early and often. People called her "jabberjaws". She was the fastest talker ever. No one could talk as fast as Rachel.

Rachel was a great mimic. She could imitate anybody. She is famous for mimicking the little black girl next door when she was three, saying to me "Mama, yo booty too big" and for imitating her hearing impaired stepmother. Funny, but never mean.

She had a great laugh. She would throw her head back and laugh. She had a great snicker, she would snicker through the side of her mouth when smoking.

She was pretty. She was breathtakingly gorgeous at times, lit up from the inside. Sometimes, she dressed like such a bum her siblings called her "homeless", but there were times when she was the most beautiful woman in the room. Any room.

She took lousy photos. Go figure. Her photographs do not do her justice.

I miss her, I love her. She is gone.